fame, liquor, love

Like they say you and your high school friends don’t usually last, drift apart or whatever. But it’s pretty fucked up that all of mine planned it out and dropped me at once. Yeah I’m not perfect but neither are they and Id still be putting up with them bc I thought that overall we had fun times. I feel like they all just ganged up on me for no reason. Like okay so their beef was that I’m happy and singing and talking a lot and it’s overwhelming and that I flirt with the guys I guess but okay so how about all the times we hang out and you guys are definitely enjoying my company like laughing at what I say and shit. Maybe not everybody likes me all the time but I didn’t think they all disliked me so much that they just couldn’t stand to be around me anymore or even follow me on Twitter like???? I’ve been friends with all of them for five to six years, I’ve always been the way that I am but idk I just I don’t get it. I don’t even know why I stayed friends with them for so long bc a lot of the time they weren’t the greatest friends to me but I let it slide bc I figured hey they’re my friends sometimes friends are shitty but that’s life. But the more and more I think about it, the more I wonder if I just settled for shitty friends and should have kept looking for people who invited me places and included me and enjoyed my company every time we were together. I feel like I wasted a lot of time on people who didn’t appreciate me enough but I actually feel like I do that a lot. I just find people I have to strive to impress and always fall short. And I’d be really upset if they all talk shit about me because it’s like hey I just lost all my friends so naturally I’m upset and pissed off so yeah I’m gonna tweet and I’m gonna mope and I’m gonna post things about it on my blog. Imagine what it would be like if your friend group randomly told you they don’t want to hang out anymore. Pretty shitty. It’s actually really shitty. And I wanna get over it but I really can’t.

I feel really lonely today. I had some friends but they don’t want to be my friend because I’m apparently so flirty that I can’t be trusted (though I never “took” any of these boys I supposedly flirt with) and I’m “happy and singing all the time” and it’s “a little overwhelming. I also had another friend who I do MAD shit for and help out whenever I can because he fucking needs it but last night he had the audacity to let me wait around for him for 2 hours while he blew off our plans to smoke with someone else and then decided he didn’t want to come hang. So yeah I have a lot of really cool people in my life who I would give the world to that apparently don’t give a shit about me. I feel like you’re never going to like everything about anybody, there’s shit about my old friends that pisses me off to no end, but they’re my friends so I get over it because over all I love them and I like to spend time with them. But I’m realizing not everybody is like me, and it’s really tiring to live in a world like this one when you’re someone like me. I feel like I give until I can’t give anymore and I only get shit in return. I expect from people only what I give to them, an even give and take, but that never happens. So I feel like I shouldn’t expect things from people, but it’s not fair that I’m unable to expect things from people. I don’t want to stop doing the things I do but it’s hard when it all seems to be wasted time and effort. I’m just really sad and really lonely and I really wish I had some more friends.

I’m so upset about girls who think we don’t need feminism.  Like does that mean you’re so brainwashed into this society that you don’t even realize how unfair things are?  I hate this whole system and i especially hate when people tell me give up because there’s no point in fighting for it.  If enough people fight then things will change but nobody wants to change.  Like in the Revolutionary War the people who wanted to separate from Britain had basically no support in the beginning and they had to spread the word and fight for their rights and look where we are now because of that!  I’m not going to back down, I’m going to fight so my daughters can live in a world where people take them seriously and respect them as equals.

I’m in a weird place bc I’m hooking up with this guy I know and he doesn’t wanna date which is fine bc I don’t need to date him, wouldnt be against it but it’s not a priority by any means, but I’m having this issue where all I wanna do is hook up with him all the time and he lives a little far away and we can’t really hook up all the time bc of reasons so I’m basically just thirsty all the time and it’s a real problem. And it’s not like I’m thirsty to get laid I’m just thirsty for him so it’s not like I can just hook up with someone else and be satisfied. Plus I don’t wanna be doing stuff with two people at the same time anyway. This was originally going to be a post about how I want to see him a lot but then I realized I just want to see him so we can hook up so I’m not in as weird a place as I thought I suppose.

A card my dad sent me out of the blue

Just want someone to be with all the time and never get sick of and cuddle with and sleep next to and kiss and listen to music with. I just want someone to care about and be affectionate toward. Someone I like to spend time with who is cool and nice idk I’m sick of being by myself I want to fall asleep with and wake up next to someone every day who kisses me good morning and appreciates me.

There’s this hot guy I’ve been seeing around at school like he’s literally everywhere and last night he walked up to me and my friends and started talking to us and hung out with us for a while and then he left and then he texted me and told me im cute and then we had a sleep over so I like college how are you guys

my mom is going into detox today but she’s gonna do great

my mom is going into detox today but she’s gonna do great

I’m so thankful our species evolved to suck so much. We are such a destructive force. Yes people do good things, and boy do I love those people, but they do the good things they do in order to fix the damage our ancestors created. And I bet in our generation there will be people who do some serious damage that our children will have to fix and it’s like,when will we stop fucking up? We need a worldwide, unshakeable, movement to change the way things are. We need to live side by side and love each other, respect each other and all life. There are so many intelligent minds in this world, so many compassionate people who know things have to change everywhere. Not just in the United States, not just Africa, not just Korea, or Israel, or China. It’s everywhere! There is corruption, disease, war, deforestation, the melting of the ice caps, seemingly endless hunger and poverty and countless other terrible things going on every day, and the reason all of these things exist is so easy to name it’s laughable; greed. We are selfish. Everything we’ve done, we’ve done to make things easier on ourselves. To change the way things are, we need to be willing to change our routine, we need to be willing to sacrifice our luxuries in order to help someone else survive, we need to love each other, I cannot stress that enough. The media makes it seem like humanity is lost and everyone is horrible and only bad things happen, and we all sit at home watching the news griping and worrying about the way things are. Well if we all feel that way, why can’t we ALL join a movement to change it? It’s not like we don’t have the manpower. It’s not like we’re ALL these horrible people we see on the news. Yet that is what dominates, and makes us feel powerless and defeated. We are not powerless, we are the people, this is our world and we don’t like the way things are. So why don’t we just do something, why don’t we try?

I love how in tune animals are with the world and each other and even humans, who have strayed so far from the natural order of things. Imagine living in a world where animal lives were as sacred as our own, where people were spiritual and caring and understood that nature is important and what makes this planet beautiful, not all of the crap we dumped on it. I wish we were a people who were more in tune with the environment. How cool would it be to be able to go live in the wilderness as a nomad, like the Native Americans. To have such a strong bond with everyone and everything around you. Let’s just imagine what life would be like if things were that way, that would be pretty fucking sweet.